Stop Fighting in a Relationship!

Stop and Think

You just had a fight. You’re fuming, mad, feeling restless, unfocused, hurt, sad, and/ or guilty. Part of you wants to show your anger by giving the silent treatment or go back and get the last word without holding back. However, there is a voice inside telling you that it’ll just make things worse. Although you are angry now, you love your partner and you hate fighting. It’s such a bad feeling.

Understand and Forgive

Relationships, especially marriage, is about loving another unconditionally. It is about learning how to love someone for who they are, not for who you want them to be. Giving and love go hand in hand. It is easier to give to one another when you feel good and have positive feelings towards the other. However, when you run into a bump in the road, it’s OK if you trip and fall down as long as you get up again. In every marriage there are arguments and hurtful words said. It is important to realize that each of you feel that you are right and more hurt than the other.

Give- Fill your Love Bank

Every relationship has its ups and down. What makes a marriage stronger and more able to weather any storm is what we give and contribute to the relationship when things are running smoothly. The harder you work to solidify and strengthen your relationship with your spouse when things are good, the more it will be cushioned by the blow, meaning, the less the relationship will suffer from a fight or any tension put on it.  This is called the love bank, discussed by PAIRS. Like a money bank in which we deposit money so to a love bank we deposit love into our relationship so it is there for us to use, especially when we most need it.

Find What Works

When my husband and I are getting along, I feel close to him, loved and safe. I still need to make a conscious effort not to take the things that he does for granted. I try to compliment him for putting dishes in the sink and thank him for driving one of the kids somewhere. I say I love you several times a day. I try to make his day easier by making him coffee, serving him supper, giving him a massage, and demanding less of him after his day of work. What works in my house may not work in yours and vice versa. The daily schedules, energy levels, and dynamics are different in every house. The trick is to find what works for you.  As long as you know you are doing your maximum to contribute and give love unconditionally.

Give Love at Times of Anger= Love Unconditionally

When you are angry with each other, all those kind, loving things that you do are very important at times like these. I may argue that giving love at times when it is so much easier to give anger is even more important because it shows how much your love is unconditional. Doing something kind and giving to the one you love at a time of anger has immense power. Imagine! Just try it! – Even if it’s the last thing you want to do right then. Instead of throwing the cup across the room, make your partner a cup of tea or coffee. Pick up something for them from the drycleaners instead of refusing to wash their clothing.

 

Your Goal- Always Strive to Strengthen the Love and Closeness in Your Relationship

When a couple manages to get through those tough times, by giving to each other, they not only know how to get over the bump in the road, but it is transformed into a path uphill leading to a path above the original one, more glorious than what they were on before. They have managed to be closer now after their fight than they were before.

Give and fill your love bank. When things get tough, negativity might make withdrawals, but the love that you have put into your marriage will overpower. With unclenched fists and wiped away tears, you will open your heart without being afraid to give and give more and more. Before you know it, your love bank will be fuller than ever before and with great happiness, your relationship with your partner will flourish.

If you want to learn how to stop fighting in a relationship try out some of the points above and see if you can turn things around for the better.