Monthly Archives: May 2017

Relationships Goals

Love is great, but I reckon it is shared goals that keep relationships going. Love may bring you and your partner together. But without shared goals, without something to fight for together, love will eventually fade. Traditional shared goals, particularly for younger first-time couples is to buy a house (or at least make a home together – in some cultures, buying a house is rare) and have children.

Clearly, what older couples need are new shared goals. These older couples might be the ones who have had children and bought houses and survived. Or they might be new couples who have formed from previous divorces. Of course, there are more and more couples who do not want children. Some may not even be particularly keen on making a home together, though this is awfully rare. If you do not wish to share your life with someone, you are unlikely to be envisioning a long term relationship. But there are exceptions.

Some couples naturally have shared interests, beyond children and a home, which form the basis of long term goals. These shared interests might include travel, sporting activities or renovating old houses. In other couples, it is necessary to find the shared interests that can become shared goals. It can also be a challenge to transform an interest into a goal. A shared love of tennis alone is not a goal. Participating in clubs and tournaments, on the other hand, can form a goal.

Fortunately, creativity is a useful tool for identifying interests and goals. First you need to do a little research and make some lists.

Make notes of your thoughts and ideas. Indeed, finding goals can become a goal in itself. Eventually, one or more possibilities will begin to flower in your minds. Take it further.

Keep in mind, also, that you are not limited to one shared goal per couple. Some couples have big shared goals – like opening a restaurant together. Others have numerous smaller goals such as pursuing sports and hobbies.

Most importantly, have fun! The goals you share as a couple should be rewarding in terms of fun, growth or personal satisfaction. If pursuing a goal becomes an unpleasant chore for one or both of you, it is time to rethink that goal.

Here are 10 relationship goals that will nurture and protect your bond:

1. Prioritize your relationship.

2. Create a couple bubble.

3. Have daily connection time.

4. Communicate with kindness.

5. Embrace vulnerability.

6. Plan for fun together.

7. Learn and support your love languages.

8. Maintain a satisfying sex life.

9. Support one another’s goals.

10. Have a yearly review.

Best Things About Having a Boyfriend

  1.  He can not reply to your text and you won’t go into a panic attack shame spiral wondering if he’s ghosting. You can say “he’s probably just busy” and know for a fact that yes, that is why. It’s like having an oxygen tank at all times.
  2.  You always have someone to zip up the back of your dress so you don’t have to do that weird acrobatic arm thing. Even if it is probably good for your deltoids or something. It still blows.
  3. You always have someone to split food with for those days when you feel like ordering like a monster but then remember you have a normal human stomach. And then on days when you somehow have a superhuman stomach…
  4.  You have twice the food always. Oh what’s that? You’re not hungry? Guess who is? It’s me!
  5. No more Tinder dates to run screaming from while wearing shoes that are really hard to run in. Plus, no after-work drink dates means you can actually get through the work week without a hangover from hell. Hello, productivity and a general lack of nausea.
  6. You can do any embarrassing thing on the planet and he will still think sun shines out of your butt. Which it honestly could. You don’t know. You can’t see down there.
  7.  You finally at long last have someone to suffer through family dinners with. There is no better feeling than kicking your boyfriend under the table when your grandad straight up starts eating that huge bowl of gravy with his own spoon.
  8. You get to double date with your friends aka you get to spy on you friends’ boyfriends to make sure they’re good enough. And run over the data you have learned with your boyfriend to make sure you didn’t miss any #facts.
  9. There will always be someone to like your selfies. You can now post freely without fear of Zero Likes.
  10. You automatically have approximately 40 percent more space in your brain because it’s not begrudgingly focused on meeting The One. Obviously this much of your brain isn’t focused on that but jesus christ, sometimes it feels like it’s supposed to be and it’s exhausting.
  11. Valentine’s Day is no longer a day of chalky candy-filled dread. It might be a day of excited joy or a day when you both do the same things you always do, but it holds no power over you any more, so suck it, VDay.
  12.  All the time you used to spend online dating can now be spent on doing things that make your soul happy.
  13. Couples costumes! .

Best Moments in Every Relationship

1. The first time you hang out one-on-one. Nothing is more exciting than letting out all your pent-up crush energy on a first date. It’s almost as big a deal as your potential wedding day in terms of stories you’ll have to tell over and over.

2. That first awkward, nervous pause right before your first kiss. Your first kiss says, “I like hanging out with you, but I also want to make out with you all the time. Let’s take this to the next level.”

3. The first time you bone. Well, hopefully your first time was a great moment. And if not, you’re a very selfless person for sticking with them.

4. The first time you stay the night instead of abruptly peacing-out like Cinderella the second it hits 2 a.m. Especially if you usually run off into the night immediately after coitus. Well, maybe hobble into the night while trying to put on your pants is a more apt description. My point is, your first sleepover is a big deal.

5. When you did nothing in bed together and it was amazing. The first time you do this, it’s cute and romantic. The 90th time you do this, you’re codependent agoraphobics. But when you can literally spend all day sharing a tiny square together and doing nothing else, you’ve got something good going.

6. The moment you realize their family could also be your family. Some people have stupid families. So it’s a relief when you meet your partner’s and you actually feel at home. Getting along with their family instead of feeling awkward and intimidated is great.

7. When picking your partner up at the airport felt like the best moment in the world.

8. Buying a second toothbrush to keep at their house. You’re basically saying, “I’m coming over whenever I want so you can never cheat on me.” But also, you know, that you love spending time together.

9. When you had an insane fight, but you knew you never wanted to break up. At first glance, this might not seem like this should be labeled a “best moment.” But it’s fights like these that make you realize you really want to try to make this relationship work. Also, yo, makeup sex.

10. When you accidentally blurted out “I love you” and waited to hear them say it back. In the history of mankind, no two people have ever said “I love you” and then not fumbled through a conversation afterward. Your first declaration of love is always followed by an “I mean…” while you stare at your partner and hope they say it back before you punch out the nearest window and cut your jugular with a shard of glass.

11. When you went on a couples vacation that still feels like one of the high points of your relationship. Even if it’s just an overnight trip, it beats the family trip you took to the Grand Canyon with your parents a few years ago.

12. Getting a dog and realizing you are successfully raising a living thing together.

13. When you powered through the hard times together, and they seemed a little less hard with your partner by your side. Maybe you lost your job or a family member, or had to get a pretty serious surgery. It might not have been so great, but you were there for each other.

14. Any time you really, truly, just have a day to yourselves. These don’t come often enough, and when they do, it feels like the best day ever.

All About Relationships

Love is one of the most profound emotions known to human beings. There are many kinds of love, but most people seek its expression in a romantic relationship with a compatible partner. For some, romantic relationships are the most meaningful element of life, providing a source of deep fulfillment. The ability to have a healthy, loving relationship is not innate. A great deal of evidence suggests that the ability to form a stable relationship begins in infancy, in a child’s earliest experiences with a caregiver who reliably meets the infant’s needs for food, care, protection, stimulation, and social contact. Those relationships are not destiny, but they appear to establish patterns of relating to others. Failed relationships happen for many reasons, and the failure of a relationship is often a source of great psychological anguish. Most of us have to work consciously to master the skills necessary to make them flourish.

We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems—the ones that make you truly who you are—that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: it’s got to be the right wrong person—someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.”

You’re the person I want to dive headfirst into life with. When I go out on the weekends, it is you I want shutting down the club with me. When I plan an adventure it is you I want holding the map. When I speculate about the future, I want to see you in every outlandish fantasy I plan for myself. You’re the person I want to rant excitedly to over happy hour drinks. You’re the person I want to dance around the house with in my underwear with. You’re the person who makes the whole world feel wide-open to me and I want to take advantage of that. I want to plunge into the future with you – because it looks bigger and brighter by your side than I ever could have imagined.

I don’t want to let myself go now that I have you – I want to build myself up alongside you. Something about you inspires me to be bigger, brighter, bolder than I ever knew that I could become. And I hope that I inspire you, too. That together we can encourage one another to grow into the fullest, strongest, fiercest versions of each other. That ten years from now we will be prouder than ever to be standing beside one another and that twenty years later we’ll be even prouder still. I hope you’re not expecting to grow stagnant in love because something about you makes me feel like my best self on steroids and I do not plan to let that feeling die.

People stare at you as you walk through the halls, hand in hand, goofy smiles on your faces. There are some whispers, mostly of jealousy, but you never let it get to you. You quickly fall in with his group of friends, which elevates your social status quite a bit. Your relationship almost feels like public property, with people posting snapchats of you two wherever you go, but neither of you mind; you both equally showing each other off. Ryan approaches you more than once for articles on relationship advice, and teachers don’t even bother to split you two up in class anymore because they know you’ll find a way to talk to each other. But no matter how many pairs of eyes are on you, the one ones that matter are his.

Parent-Child Relationship

It is no secret that the relationships we have with our children teach us more than any other relationships we have. When it comes to evolving as a person, nothing provides a steeper learning curve than parenting does. Much of this is due to the attachment we feel for our children. The love that a parent holds for their child is its own, unique kind of love and it is true that you cannot know or learn from that kind of love unless you become a parent. But just because we love our children more than anything on earth does not necessarily mean that we love parenting. And disliking parenting does not mean that we do not love our children.
Universally, the parent child relationship was designed to be a relationship of contrast. It is a relationship that is meant to show us what we do not want and thus inspire us towards what we do want. As an infant we still have to deal with the experience of being dependent on someone else. We have to experience being physically out of control of our own well-being. That is not an enjoyable thing to experience for any being. It is contrast, contrast that inspires us to desire autonomy. Staying focused on and lining up with that autonomy is what causes our physical structure to age and begin performing autonomous actions like walking and using utensils to feed ourselves.

The relationship with our children is also meant to trigger unresolved wounds and suppressed memories and feelings from our own childhood, so that we may integrate those fractured aspects of our being and become more whole. To parent our children well, we must begin to parent our internal child well first; otherwise we will end up repeating the exact same pattern and style of parenting that our parents demonstrated towards us. Parenting provides us with the opportunity to externally parent our inner child. When we parent our children, we have a choice to either parent them the same way we were parented, or to make changes. The changes we make are changes that suit our own child within; a child that did not feel loved unconditionally.
There is a reason that parents have often felt like once they have children their life is over. It is because when we opt into the role of parenthood, we are opting into all of the lessons that go along with that. We are choosing the fast track. Every time we experience those unenjoyable parts of parent hood, it causes us to give rise to the idea of what we would prefer both for ourselves and for our children. For example, when we feel resentment because we have to take care of our children instead of do what we really want to do (like go dancing), we desire our child to be autonomous. Which is a desire that they, themselves share. And our desire for them to achieve autonomy is creating their autonomy. In essence, we co-create the experience of our children physically aging so they can become autonomous.
Childhood wasn’t designed as a purely enjoyable experience; neither was parenting. If it were purely enjoyable, there would be no expansion born from the experience. And there could be no integration of our own past childhood traumas. There would be no forward movement. You wouldn’t be inspired towards anything. You wouldn’t desire anything new and as a result, you wouldn’t create or become anything new. As parents, we have been cultured to believe that the role of parenting is sacrosanct. We are cultured to believe that if we admit that we do not like parenting, that we are somehow betraying and abandoning our children. This is not the case. In fact many people, who are parents, don’t actually like parenting. This resistance to parenting happens because many people, who have children, have not yet integrated the suppressed emotions from their own childhoods and so their own children trigger a kind of post-traumatic stress reaction within them. What these parents love is the connection they have with their children. What they love is those magic moments when their child falls asleep on their chest or takes their first step or enjoys some part of life.