Monthly Archives: March 2017

Marriage Problems and This Solutions

Marriage problems are everywhere!

You can read them in magazines and blogs, overhear them from fellow commuters and get the low down in forums and even Facebook statuses!

1.    Communication

Problem: If your discussions regularly end up turning into conflict then you are likely one of many couples experiencing bad communication in your marriage. Your poor communication could be due to one or both of you aiming to win rather than resolve the fight.

Solution:  One simple thing you can do is to remind yourself that your overall aim is coming to an agreement; use that to frame how you approach areas of disagreement. Simply getting in a more positive mindset can go a long way to influencing how you interact with your spouse.

Unhealthy communication habits are a major cause of marital problems and taking steps to improve this key area can make all the difference.

2.    No Time for Each Other

Problem: So many couples today have crazy schedules and without real effort on both sides it can be all too easy for ‘couple time’ to slip off the agenda.

When you are cramming so many activities into your day you can easily give the maintenance of your marriage a low priority.

Lack of time together slowly loosens the connection and emotional intimacy between couples. You are in danger of losing touch with what is going on in each other’s lives and not having the opportunity to share or show you care. This can become a critical situation as there is the very real danger of one or both of you seeking this support elsewhere.

Solution: Prioritizing your marriage by scheduling in time together is the simple answer. It doesn’t have to be anything major; just sharing a cup of coffee at the end of each day and getting into the habit of sharing your news and views  – it’s a great way to feel closer to each other. Ideally though it’s best to find a way to nurture your friendship and unwind with quality time out perhaps taking up a joint pastime or simply ensuring that date night doesn’t get cancelled!

3.    Driving Each other Crazy

Problem: It’s very common to hear couples complaining about their spouse’s bad habits. Over time many couples become complacent in the way that they behave.

Bad habits include snapping, nagging, criticizing, not listening, not taking the time to compliment or appreciate your spouse, arguing over petty things and so on. The less of an effort one partner makes the less likely their spouse is to try too, so the issue can get worse and really start to erode the relationship.

Solution: Get out of the bad habit rut! We have two suggestions for you:

If you are going to take action alone, try to listen to how you interact and reflect upon what could be improved. Focus on your own behavior and not that of your spouse otherwise you are likely to make things worse not better! Consider if you could take any action yourself that might actually reverse the downward spiral.

If you and your spouse are going to work on this together try to come up with two or three changes you would each like your partner to make. Be sure to make the initial issues easy to achieve so that you can get in some quick wins. Try to keep up some momentum and set new goals. By achieving the simpler improvements you will have demonstrated what can be achieved as well as made improvements in your relationship. Next you need to tackle some of the more challenging habits.

Marriage is dynamic and making just small changes really can have quite major results. Reminding your spouse how much you appreciated that morning cup of coffee or miss the compliments he used to give you – just mentioning all the little things that went such a long way but have now fallen by the wayside – really could give your marriage such a boost.

Stop Fighting in a Relationship!

Stop and Think

You just had a fight. You’re fuming, mad, feeling restless, unfocused, hurt, sad, and/ or guilty. Part of you wants to show your anger by giving the silent treatment or go back and get the last word without holding back. However, there is a voice inside telling you that it’ll just make things worse. Although you are angry now, you love your partner and you hate fighting. It’s such a bad feeling.

Understand and Forgive

Relationships, especially marriage, is about loving another unconditionally. It is about learning how to love someone for who they are, not for who you want them to be. Giving and love go hand in hand. It is easier to give to one another when you feel good and have positive feelings towards the other. However, when you run into a bump in the road, it’s OK if you trip and fall down as long as you get up again. In every marriage there are arguments and hurtful words said. It is important to realize that each of you feel that you are right and more hurt than the other.

Give- Fill your Love Bank

Every relationship has its ups and down. What makes a marriage stronger and more able to weather any storm is what we give and contribute to the relationship when things are running smoothly. The harder you work to solidify and strengthen your relationship with your spouse when things are good, the more it will be cushioned by the blow, meaning, the less the relationship will suffer from a fight or any tension put on it.  This is called the love bank, discussed by PAIRS. Like a money bank in which we deposit money so to a love bank we deposit love into our relationship so it is there for us to use, especially when we most need it.

Find What Works

When my husband and I are getting along, I feel close to him, loved and safe. I still need to make a conscious effort not to take the things that he does for granted. I try to compliment him for putting dishes in the sink and thank him for driving one of the kids somewhere. I say I love you several times a day. I try to make his day easier by making him coffee, serving him supper, giving him a massage, and demanding less of him after his day of work. What works in my house may not work in yours and vice versa. The daily schedules, energy levels, and dynamics are different in every house. The trick is to find what works for you.  As long as you know you are doing your maximum to contribute and give love unconditionally.

Give Love at Times of Anger= Love Unconditionally

When you are angry with each other, all those kind, loving things that you do are very important at times like these. I may argue that giving love at times when it is so much easier to give anger is even more important because it shows how much your love is unconditional. Doing something kind and giving to the one you love at a time of anger has immense power. Imagine! Just try it! – Even if it’s the last thing you want to do right then. Instead of throwing the cup across the room, make your partner a cup of tea or coffee. Pick up something for them from the drycleaners instead of refusing to wash their clothing.

 

Your Goal- Always Strive to Strengthen the Love and Closeness in Your Relationship

When a couple manages to get through those tough times, by giving to each other, they not only know how to get over the bump in the road, but it is transformed into a path uphill leading to a path above the original one, more glorious than what they were on before. They have managed to be closer now after their fight than they were before.

Give and fill your love bank. When things get tough, negativity might make withdrawals, but the love that you have put into your marriage will overpower. With unclenched fists and wiped away tears, you will open your heart without being afraid to give and give more and more. Before you know it, your love bank will be fuller than ever before and with great happiness, your relationship with your partner will flourish.

If you want to learn how to stop fighting in a relationship try out some of the points above and see if you can turn things around for the better.

Reviving Marriage

Maintaining personal health requires work — exercise, good nutrition, rest and regular checkups. No one teaches us that the same kind of maintenance is also necessary in order to keep a marriage alive. Love between a parent and child is unconditional. Love between a husband and wife is not. As divorce statistics would indicate, an untended marriage falls apart too easily. The good news is that there are ways to make a marriage survive, and better yet, thrive.

Do any of these symptoms sound familiar? If so, it’s time to revive your marriage by following this program.

  • Make the marriage your priority, not an afterthought. Set aside regular time to be alone with your partner. If kids are in the picture, hunt for a “network” of trusted babysitters. There are plenty of activities that you can do for free — a long walk, star gazing or window-shopping are all simple pleasures that can bring you closer together.
  • Resuscitate your romance. Remember how the sparks flew when you first met? It’s probably not too late to rekindle the embers. Surprise your spouse with a homemade Valentine (any day of the year!) and a bottle of champagne. Light up the bedroom with candles, or put a love note in his briefcase.
  • Accept what you can’t change. Much marital strife is caused by the belief that you cannot be happy in your marriage as long as you must live with your partner’s bad habits or imperfections. Have you noticed that no matter how much you gripe and moan, these things don’t change? Rather than trying to control what you can’t, work around his quirks and focus on the positive.
  • Be attractive, inside and out. “Married” doesn’t have to mean complacent. Continue to learn and experience new things, and share these with your partner. Eat right, exercise, rest and make the most of your appearance. Doing these things is taking good care of yourself, but it’s also a way of showing your mate that you want to be your best and share yourself with him.
  • Improve communication and negotiation skills. Being a good listener is key to healthy communication. Even if you don’t agree with what he’s had to say, empathize with his position. This will open the door to more effective conflict resolution. If you must be critical, convert criticism into a request for behavioral change by stating it positively. Most important, apologize when you are wrong.

There are no marriages made in heaven. But by devoting time and energy to reviving your marriage, you’ll once again feel your relationship pulse beating strong and steady.

Happy Couples

They might be 30, or 75. They come in all colors, shapes, sizes and income brackets. It doesn’t matter how long they’ve been together. Whatever the demographics, when you see a happy couple, you just know it!

How do these couples stay in love, in good times and in bad? Fortunately, the answer isn’t through luck or chance. As a result of hard work and commitment, they figure out the importance of the following relationship “musts.” Because few couples know about all of the musts, I think of them as the relationship “secrets.”

Happy Couples and Their Secrets:

1. Develop a realistic view of committed relationships.

Recognize that the crazy infatuation you experienced when your romance was new won’t last. A deeper, richer relationship, and one that should still include romance, will replace it. A long-term relationship has ups and downs, and expecting it will be all sunny and roses all the time is unrealistic.

2. Work on the relationship.

An untended garden develops weeds that can ultimately kill even the heartiest plants. And so it is with relationships. It is important to address problems and misunderstandings immediately. Some people believe good relationships just happen naturally.

3. Spend time together.

There is no substitute for shared quality time. When you make a point of being together, without kids, pets and other interruptions, you will form a bond that will get you through life’s rough spots. Time spent together should be doing a shared activity, not just watching television.

4. Make room for separateness.

Perhaps going against conventional wisdom, spending time apart is also an important component of a happy relationship. It is healthy to have some separate interests and activities and to come back to the relationship refreshed and ready to share your experiences. Missing your partner helps remind you how important he or she is to you.

5. Make the most of your differences.

Stop and think: What most attracted you to your partner at the beginning? I’ll almost guarantee that it was exactly the thing that drives you most insane today. Take a fresh look at these differences. Try to focus on their positive aspects and find an appreciation for those exact things that make the two of you different from one another. It’s likely that your differences balance one another out and make you a great team.

6. Don’t expect your partner to change; but at the same time give them more of what they want.

If both you and your partner stop trying to change each other, you will eliminate the source of most of your arguments. At the same time, each of you should focus on giving one another more of what you know the other person wants, even if it doesn’t come naturally.  If you do both of these things at once you’ve got a winning plan!

7. Accept that some problems can’t be solved.

There may be issues upon which you cannot agree. Rather than expending wasted energy, agree to disagree, and attempt to compromise or to work around the issue. Two people cannot spend years together without having legitimate areas of disagreement.

8. Communicate!

Lack of communication is the number one reason even good relationships fail. And here is a useful format for doing so, especially when dealing with incendiary topics: Listen to your partner’s position, without interrupting him or her. Just listen. When he or she is finished, summarize what you heard him or her say. If you can, empathize with your significant other even though you don’t agree.

9. Honesty is essential.

You may share with your partner the things he or she doesn’t want to hear. Better this than to have him or her doubt your honesty. Mistrust is one of the key deal breakers in relationships. And once trust is lost or broken, it can take a very long time to re-establish it in the relationship. The happiest couples are the ones where honesty is as natural and every day as breathing.

10. Respect your partner, and don’t take him or her for granted.

Treating your sweetheart with respect is likely to get you the same in return. When you say, “I love you,” pause for a moment to really mean it. And don’t be afraid to express your feelings of appreciation with your partner — he or she will be thankful that you did.

Making these secrets an integral part of your relationship won’t be easy. In fact, your efforts may initially seem like planted seeds that never come up. If you maintain your efforts, however, you will likely reap what you sow.